(This article was initially published on 01.05.2022 on my website.)
The exam period is usually a very stressful experience. In fact, during the last one, in January and February, I was surprised by how demanding it was. It was as if I had never experienced it before. However, it was already my third on university. And upon closer introspection, I would say the first two were similarly stressful - but the memory of the experience was far from the tangible reality of the present.
Experience vs Memory
I am reminded of the notion of the experiencing and remembering self distinction made by Daniel Kahneman (Ted Talk). In short, experience and memory of the experience are two very different things, and well-being in the present does not directly translate to memory. For example, the memory of experiencing pain for a shorter time is usually worse than experiencing the same pain for a more extended period, but with a more gentle ending.
The reason for this is the ‘compression’ of memories. It’s impossible to remember everything, so the brain has to do with heavy pruning and stores only condensed summaries. According to Kahneman, what usually makes it to this condensed version are changes during the experience, significant moments and endings.
This seems plausible in the case of the aforementioned exam period - the peaks after a passed single exam and, in the end, joy from passing all of them probably trumped the everyday stressful experience.
The distinction seems to yield significant practical use in designing and living your life.
Positive Tinge to Memories
Moreover, I noticed that most of my more distant memories and recollections of periods are usually positive, even though it is often not the case upon recalling specific events and feelings. I wonder if I am an exception in this aspect. What would be the advantages of a brain applying a ‘positive filter’ to memories as time progresses? I can’t decide what would be the effect on the present experience. Am I happier because I think I experienced some nice and decent things? Or do I feel sad because the present does not reach the artificial bar of an altered past?
This brings to mind the terms Nostalgia and related Rosy Retrospection, which could be (loosely) defined as a tendency to think of the past more positively than the present. This phenomenon is again related to memory compression. Perhaps not intuitive to me is that the consensus appears to be that these feelings have primarily positive effects, like improving mood and coping with stress.
Another interesting term pops out: Reminiscence bump - “tendency for older adults (over forty) to have increased or enhanced recollection for events that occurred during their adolescence and early adulthood”[1]. There are few theories about why this happens (see Wikipedia), but the phenomenon itself appears to be well-documented.
How to Remember More Accurately
Often, all that is needed to bring back a vivid memory of how I felt is a specific memory - like when I spent the better part of an afternoon traveling in public transit because I could not bear the anxiety of waiting for exam results*.
This hints at an easy solution: recording the experience in some way. It might be a diary, voice recording, or taking many mundane photos. I like voice recordings because there is a particular aspect of hearing my past self, which feels oddly intimate. And it also saves a bunch of typing.
Only a fraction of what we experienced and felt makes it to the memory - everything else is lost. This was a striking realization, and I’m still unsure what to make of it. Meanwhile, the next exam period is just around the corner. I hope I will remember it fondly, as that would likely stem from the fact that I passed.
* Fortunately, the results were published on the evening of the same day. :)